There are times
by Poxy Kirkman
Summary: A random spin on part of Jade's past. Slight spoilers, be aware! Please read review, thanks.


_There are times in life…_

The man looked up from his work, rubbed his eyes and set his pen down. It was far too late to be trying to work now. He could continue this in the morning, at a time when it was okay t be awake. Glancing at the clock up on the wall, he saw that it was closer to midnight than he first interpreted.

He got up from his seat, and walked across the room. He hesitated a moment, just to look back at the wooden desk, with piles of papers upon it. He was rather fond of that desk. It had been a gift from his sister many years ago. Turning the light off, he strode off down the dark empty hall.

It was quiet, well, it always was in this house. He rarely ever had company, nobody really wanted to get involved with him. To be honest he couldn't blame them, who would want to be involved with a man like him. No sane person, he answered himself. Yes. He did that a lot, answer his own questions. Sometimes it would be something as simple as 'What should I have for breakfast?' and the answer would come to him, from that distant corner of his mind that was still… human.

_When your back is against the wall…_

Other times, he would ask more personal questions, 'What happened to my life?' 'Why did I do this to myself?' But at these times, the answer wouldn't come. Even the human part of his complex mind either didn't know, or was too scared to answer. He was too scared to answer himself. This was because he didn't like the reply he knew all too well would come. He cornered himself.

He shook his head, ridding his mind of such ridiculous thoughts. He didn't need this. Deciding that this was just because of lack of sleep, his stride increased in speed. The peace slumbers brought were much needed.

In all honesty, and this was for his own sake more than anyone else's, he admitted that… these thoughts, they _scared_ him. And hardly anything scared him. It wasn't natural. It wasn't allowed. But it was right. All of it was correct. And that is what scared the man most.

_You need to face you fears…_

Walking into his bedroom, he removed his clothing, leaving just his boxers on. He quickly went into the bathroom to wash before turning in. Taking his glasses off, his vision became blurred. He was used to it though. Turning the valve, the water started flowing. Splashing his face with it, he took hold of a flannel and a bar of soap.

It didn't take long to wash. This was routine, and he never broke his routines. Old habits die hard and all that malarkey. Looking up, his reflection caught his eye. Squinting to see better, red eyes squinted back. His frown deepened. And he brushed loose strands of chestnut hair out of his face. Admittedly, his hair was too long. But he couldn't bring himself to have it cut. Another thing he was too accustomed to.

Walking out of the bathroom., he pulled back the duvet and slid into bed. His aching body relaxed, and he let out a content sigh. Rolling over, he looked out of the window at the falling snowflakes, and the gentle moonlight flooding into the room, Painting the walls an eerie white.

_There are times in life…_

Slumber captured him, and his eyelids were lulled into a false sense of security. Dreams awaited, memories returned…

**It was hot, too hot. I hear a loud scream, and see to my utmost terror the professor fall. Saphir is stood over her, looking at me, begging me to help. I keep a straight face, and get him to help me hold up the professor. She's heavier than I interpreted, and we barely manage to get her out of the burning building.**

**As we reach a safe distance from the building we drop her, unable to carry her further. Saphir falls too, more the fact tat he is distressed than worn out. I stay stood. Thoughts race through my mind, what should I do? Will professor Nebilim be alright?**

**I look at her, the fallen figure of a woman I had come to respect. Seeing the blood stream from her side confirmed the niggling suspicion that she was most certainly not going to be ok. **

**A fog clouded my mind, I found I couldn't think clearly. Through the thick mist I could hear Saphir questioning me as to what we were going to do. I look at the younger boy. And tell him that this is my responsibility. I will fix it. He asks how… And I do not know. An image flashes through my mind. Nephry's doll, Milly… Fomicry.**

**I tell him how I plan to save the professor. And he stares at me wide eyed.**

**Standing above her, I begin to make what would be a failure… a catastrophe. The replica is maddened, and we cannot control it. It escapes.**

**I look back at out original teacher, and can see the light in her eyes slowly fading. I'm not sure if she knows I am there with her. But Saphir holds her hand, and we wait until she dies. **

**I feel the heat intensify, and the smoke is suffocating me. Saphir fades, and so does my professor. I am engulfed in blackness. And the world around me comes to a standstill.**

The man jolts forward, and the blankets fall off him. He keeps his head down, closes his eyes and breaths deeply. He holds himself, bringing his knees up to his chest to stop from shaking, and finds he is drenched in a cold sweat.

"Calm down Jade, it was nothing."

Jade's eyes snapped open, and he lifted his head too quickly, making his neck hurt. That did not matter, all that mattered was that someone was stood at the end of his bed.

She smiled at his astonished expression, and chuckled slightly. Jade just continued to gape at his long dead professor. He slowly uncurled from the foetal position and stood from his bed. His steps were long and slow, as if to drag out the moment. He wanted to run, but he reasoned that a sudden movement would make this vision dissolve. After what seemed like an eternity, he was stood before Nebilim once more.

_You need to believe the unbelievable…_

He gaped, not normal Jade behaviour, but this was a different matter altogether. He looked down at the ghost, a flickering mist before his eyes. She wasn't as tall as he last remembered, and those recurring nightmares that plagued him told him she should be towering above him. Mind you, he had grown quite a bit the last… 20 years or so? It seemed like too long.

But back to the apparition of his old professor. Solutions popped into his head, like it would for any other crisis. Was it a trick of the light? Was it through lack of sleep? Yes that was probably it, he was tired. Or maybe, just maybe, it was his conscious. He'd felt guilty about that whole ordeal, killing his professor by accident. It was probably that. It was most definitely that.

Coming to that conclusion, he smiled in triumph at the 'ghost'. A smile that was quickly wiped off his face.

"Stop smiling at me like that, it doesn't suit you." She whispered, but it was so clear, se might have well have been shouting.

His face fell, and he looked at her confused. She smiled again, and perched on the end of his bed, motioning for him to sit next to her. It was like school again, where he had to sit next to sit next to Nebilim for one of their many 'talks'.

Despite the fact that he felt he was being babied, he sat – more like dropped – on the bed next to her. Looking into her eyes, he saw a glint of sadness in those normally happy eyes. She glanced at him and sighed.

"You've grown a bit haven't you Jade?"

He nodded slightly. It was more like a jerk of his head than anything else.

"I know you've gotten better with your artes, very impressive… How have you been lately Jade? It didn't look as if you were having a very pleasant dream."

He was startled. If this was his conscious, it wouldn't have to ask him how he was, it'd know, surely? Slowly he licked his lips, and swallowed hard, his mouth had become surprisingly dry in the past few moments.

"Fine… I- I've been fine." He croaked.

A small chuckle rose from her throat. And she shook her head still smiling.

"You're a naughty boy, telling lies again. Truth Jade, Please."

And those few words, those well chosen simple words drove Jade off the shred of sanity that he was clinging to. The only thing that had been holding him together.

_Let it all out…_

All the emotions he had hidden away, bottled up and stored inside spilled over and he let loose.

Jade told her everything. How he hadn't meant to kill her, how he had only meant to test it out. How he wanted to be as good, as human as she, and everyone else was. How he had tried to make the replica, and finally how all he wanted to do was apologise. He really was sorry.

And after that wave of emotion, that raw, human emotion, he felt relief.

Jade looked at Nebilim, Nebilim looked at Jade. And both smiled, genuine smiles. Standing she looked at him. And she leant in close, whispering…

"I forgive you…"

And with that, she was gone. The ghost, apparition, illusion, trick of the light… whatever, it was gone. But despite the fact he was alone again, he felt whole. He felt better. He felt, for the first time in his life, human. He felt… normal.

He looked around the room, and everything seemed brighter. Snowflakes danced outside, swirling in those intricate patterns. The walls bathed in the bright moonlight. Everything was in harmony.

These were very un-Jade-like thoughts. They were not habit, they were not in the norm for the thirty-five year old man. But everything had to change didn't it? Nothing could stay the same.

With that, he settled into bed, pulling the covers up to his neck, he relaxed ready for the peace slumber would now undoubtedly bring.

Before his eyes could shut, and the world would fade, he yawned and thought to himself…

Now about that haircut…

_There are times in life,_

_When things change,_

_And you realise that through all the good things,_

_And all the bad things,_

_It's all for the best._


End file.
